I’ve been told, by more than a few friends, that when you
date in your (mid to later) twenties, you look for, or at least think
about “the one”.
Well, I started dating much younger than most of my current
friends, back in junior high and high school, and then kind of accidentally
landed myself with a high school sweetheart that somehow managed to last for
seven years. *Spoiler alert, it didn’t work out.*
So, suddenly single, at 22, for the first time since junior
high, it was a bit hard to get back into “the game”. Also, I hope the fact that
I’m even referring to it as “the game” proves how lost I was.
Needless to say with only one long term and somewhat serious
relationship under my belt that ended in absolute chaos…after seven years of
miserable, wonderful, nauseating, fabulous memories…..the last thing on MY mind
was wanting to find “the one”. Hell, mama wanted to make up for lost time if
anything. And I did. In a lot of ways. Went on a lot of dates. Kissed a lot of
guys. And cried a lot in the shower.
Anywhooo, it took me more time that I am proud of to commit
to and be even a fourth as vulnerable as I was in that other relationshit.
I don’t know what any of this means, or what I’m even trying
to say, but we were talking about “the one”, right?
Long story “short”, I think I may have found him, but it’s not what you think. Since
I have freed myself from that specific past traumatic relationship, I’ve had
more than enough time to reflect. Sure I was in love, even if it was an
unhealthy teenage angst kind of love, it was still intense and real at the
time. Looking back now, I know why it was so painful, and why none of it was
okay and what not to stand for no matter how you think your heart feels. I’ve
learned it’s not okay to control, to threaten, to be verbally abusive, or to
cheat. These are obvious facts we’re all raised on, but sometimes you don’t
fully “get it”, until you experience it first hand, or at least that was the
case for me. After being with someone who behaved this way it took me years to
get out of that mentality of what a relationship really is. No matter how you
feel, or how someone else “says” they feel about you, their actions speak
louder than any words that can ever be spoken.
So, for me personally, before I ever consider finding “the
one” and even think about marriage, I needed to find the one that wasn’t. I needed to find the one that
wasn’t my ex, the one that showed me, perhaps for the first time, what a real
relationship can be. And no, this relationship is not necessarily one that is meant to be forever,
but it was the step I needed, and he’s the one I’ve been unconsciously
searching for to help lead me on the path I need and want to follow.
I think ones dating history can be like a resume. Sure, some
people are fortunate enough to like the first person they date and it all works
out, forever. But I think most of us need experience and time. Time to find out
what’s good, bad, real, fake, fun, and serious. I’ve found, the more I date,
the more I learn, about the opposite sex, love, and most importantly, the more
I’ve come to learn about myself. I’m not always the same with my significant
others as I am with my family and friends. Some relationships bring the heat,
which can be fun, sure fighting CAN be fun, but it can also bring out the worst
in you.
So why am I still talking?
Key Points of this Blurb:
*Don’t search for the one until you’re like, 85, and
actually ready to settle down.
*Sex is evil
*Girls > Boys
*Vanilla Ice is God
